Chipotle=Romance

So I didn’t want to start seeing anybody new but it has happened. I have been hanging out with Michael everyday and having a blast. He is a lot of fun. I am not sure what his job his but it leaves him with  a lot of free time and I think he has quite a bit of money. We had been keeping it very casual and non serious. I could tell he was getting kinda of antsy. i wasn’t talking about my past or his either. He asked me on a date. It was cute. He sent me flowers ( i have moved in with Leah, hotels can get expensive). With a card saying,” please be my date.” It was was sweet. I was upset. I didn’t want to go on a date. I was separated and not speaking to my husband and this whole situation was great because I wasn’t thinking about him.

I was skeptical. I mean lets be honest my dating history sucked big fat weenies. Nevertheless, at Leah’s urging I went. He let me pick the place and I chose Chipotle by the Verizon Center . I didnt want anything fancy because I didn’t want him  to expect anything. I felt like I couldnt take the risk. We had a lot of fun laughing and talking. I found out a lot about him like he was 37 years old and he went to Yale for undergrad and Harvard for an MBA. I was very impressed and it made me feel like I wasnt his type. I mean…. I’m from the hood, ex-stripper, etc, etc. Yes, I have two degrees but they weren’t from ivy league schools. He was also a divorced and 36 years old. I wasnt looking to be some plaything for some man I have done that to many times willing or not.

With a little nip in the air we walked around the area which is my favorite. We walked back to his car and gave me a look and asked me if I would go on another date tomorrow as much as I wanted to I told him no. I was tired of being to availiable and getting fucked over. We drove back to Leahs and called it a night. I had a lot of fun.

About four minutes later I called and asked him what did he want with me? I was really upset only because I liked him a lot. Were we a disaster waiting to happen? I didnt even let him answer and I was blurting out stuff about how I couldnt go through this again and I wasnt his type, etc. Before I knew he was at my door. In the calmest voice he said “sweetie open the door”. I put the phone down and there he was smiling and grabbed me for a hug. It was really sweet.

I felt warm in his arms and invited him in. We went to my room which was completely unorganized and sat on my bed. Being as though I had just moved in a couple of weeks prior and had been working like crazy I hadn’t had time to decorate. We sat on my bed and after a moment I went downstairs and got two glasses and a bottle of wine. I poured and we talked the night away. I remember me falling asleep on his chest, i moved a little which woke him up. He looked at me and asked me if I was okay. I told him yes and awkwardly felt so attracted to him, sleep breathe and all. He must of felt it to because he kissed me on my forehead and from there  it went to an all out make out session. I was so excited and scared all at once. His kisses were so soft and sweet and he moaned when we kissed. More than anything I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. He touches were crazy but as much as I wanted to go forward, I got scared. I stopped kissing him and got up.

I didnt say anything. I guess this was the deciding time. Sex or not. He grabbed me and hugged me. I know I am a little old to be playing sex games but I had to calculate the risk. “Come here” I was a little hesistant but went over. “look I know you going through some things right now but all I really want is a chance. I’m not saying this so we can have sex but I really do like who you are. Im almost 40 years old and I am past the one night stand thing. I want something serious. If I mess up with you, you never have to speak to me again. I can treat you good if you let me.”

We were silent for awhile. After seven weeks of dating and trying to keep it casual it didnt work. I told him my rules and we agreed to date exclusively. We laid down and went to sleep. I guess now I need to get a divorce.

Keep you guys updated.

 

Ummm…..

I swear to god if this lady tells me one more time that she wants clothes like Glenn Close from Damage we will be fighting. I’m not complaining, I just wasn’t in the mood. She was cool and came from a referral from Leah. I break Leah off a fee and keep the rest. Its a sweet gig I got going plus I get to be around clothes all day. My husband is very sweet and he works A LOT. In a way I cant believe we got married. I have been asking for him to pencil me in for several weeks now but to no avail. Last time I left him over it, but I now I trying to be more patient. I was but a lot has happened. Let me back up, three weeks ago I made reservations for Brian and I to go out to dinner. The night of,  he doesn’t call me to even let me know that he got my reminder messages. I called Leah and asked if she wanted to go out to dinner with me. She suggested this spot called Lima I was already dressed in my new black BCBG dress and Elizabeth & James peep toe ankle boots that I had been dying to wear. So I decided I was going out anyway. I picked her up and we were on the way. We got a table and ordered a couple of drinks. The atmosphere was nice and before long and anger I had went away.

About an thirty minutes into our outing our waiter bought over some drinks. “The gentlemen over there bought you ladies these drinks.” I looked over and hands down it was one of the finest man I had ever seen. I need to say it again. It was the finest man I had ever seen. He was about 6′2 or 6′3, 220 plus of fineness. In the lighting he looked to be a white or very light brother. either way it didnt matter because he was hot.  I looked to him and mouthed thank you and when our waiter came over again I told him to buy him two of whatever they were drinking. Leah was giggling up a storm and before i knew it they were at our table.

Micheal and Robert were cool guys they both were fianciers. I was kinda impressed. I told Micheal from the jump I was married and he didn’t seem to care. He told me that was nice but he could take me away if I let him. I had to set him straight. Not in a neck rolling kinda way but I simply said I am not “like that” and you guys know what I mean. He laughed and told me he understood I was a classy woman and wasn’t meaning it in a bad way. Whatever. Leah clicked with Robert and Micheal and I clicked. I was scared because I felt like I was cheating. Am I  now better than Brian was before? At that moment it clicked in my brain that I should check my phone to see if he called to which he didnt. I decided at that moment I was spending the night at Leah’s house.

It was still early being it was only 9 and Robert suggested we go to this spot called Posh. They had reservations and asked us to join them. I am not well versed in nightlife so after some convincing and a pleading look from Leah. I decided to go. We were walking and talking like old friends on the way to my car. He opened my door and I waited for him to pull around to follow. We got there and it was lively. It was a mixed crowd kinda old school supper clubbish. Everything was flowing, conversations, drinks. It was scary to me to vibe with someone who isnt my husband.

The night weared on and he gave me his cared and basically asked me to call six thousand times. I had drag Leah out but it was getting late and I didnt want to be out with strangers. I dropped Leah off and went home and of course Brian wasnt there. I called and was sent straight to voicemail. I was tired and not in the mood, I went downstairs had a couple of shots and went to sleep.

In the morning around 10:30 am he breezed in the house like he hadn’t been gone all night. While he was in the shower I went through his phone and wrote  down the last numbers which I planned to call later. When he got out, I asked did he remember about the dinner to which he replied he completely forgot. My next question was why didn’t he didn’t answer any calls or call me back and his response was “I was really busy” … Yeah really busy fucking some chic, I thought to myself. I wasn’t going to blow up the spot but I knew the deal.  ”Make it up to me and take me to dinner tonight.”… ” Long pause. ” I have a business dinner.” Long blank stare by me. “Come with me.”  I sighed. It was an offer but it wasn’t good enough. “How is that romantic? How is that making it up to me?”..”It’s what I can do for now.”…”What you can do for now? How is that good enough?”

“Like I said its what I can do”  He walked out of the room. Stunned wouldnt accurately describe how I felt. I followed him and asked” What is going on?” …”Baby, nothing. I just dont want to argue.” …Noooo something is going on and as I was talking he cut me off and yelled there is nothing going on and he was done having this fucking conversation.” Wow. He was fiesty and I knew something was up. I grabbed his hand and took him to the bed. I started to touch him and asked in my sweetest voice to please make love to me which I had never done ever. He said nothing and looked blank. He got up and said “I gotta go” and left.

And with that I was even more shocked because he has never in life rejected me. I sat there and cried. That hurt more than anything he as ever done. I stumbled downstairs and brought a bottle of patron back up with me. I drank from the bottle and decided that I didn’t belong there. I packed what I could and headed for downtown. I pulled into the nearest hotel which happened to be the Renaissance Mayflower, got a room and cried/drank myself to sleep. I woke up late and when I checked my phone, I saw that Brian called 59 times literally. I put on the first pieces of clothing I could find and went to the Sprint store and bought a new phone. I went back to the hotel and emailed all my clients with my new information. That was six weeks ago and I haven’t talked to him since. There is really nothing say. I know in my heart that we are over and it hurts. I will keep you guys posted.

Fall Excitement

It’s fall and there are so many new things arriving for the season. Here are a few things I am excited about.

Gucci “Kills” Boots.

There isnt anything that needs to be said about this shoe. Its so hot and in demand that you can only three pairs every thirty days from Saks Fifth Avenue. They excite me!

MAC Fall Collection with DSquared.

Mac never cease to amaze me. Very cutting edge and always innovative. Fans of the clothing line should love this!

Fall Fashion.

Although the collections were shown some time ago ,its time to wear the newest trends. Here are a couple I think are hot.

Hot biker look by Balmain.

I was willing to kill people in order to get a pair of Rodarte heels. I finally got them and my life became complete. The clothes are equally as hot.

Me and Gucci have a love affair. Since Frida Giannini has taken over the brand has been unstoppable.

Versace is always the go-to when all else fails. Classy, elegant looks can never go wrong!

Lastly, I am not a Marc Jacobs clothing fan. I love the Louis Vuitton line but his…not so much. As I was going through the collection I saw something I like. Bebe has a eerily similar jacket for about  1000 dollars less.

List…

Okay as you guys know I am half gay. I like chicks, just not on regular basis.  I don’t spend my days thinking about women and no women barely turn me on. But when I am on, I am on. So as I was sitting here thinking I came up with this. What we would it be like to bang……

Megan Fox

Maybe its the eyes, the tats, whatever it is she is hot.. At least to me. She looks like she has been with a couple of chicks. Just sayin…

Nicole Narain

Sexy. I remember seeing her in a Fabolous video a couple years back. Real cutie.

Kim Kardashian

We have all seen the sex tape with Ray-J. I cant lie it was hot. I normally don’t like chics with big butts, but Kimmy gets a pass.

Next…

Meagan Good

This is like ole faithful. She still got it. She stands the test of time through all the new chics. Those lips. (Sorry really gay moment)

Last but not least…

Gabrielle Union

I remember  Nicole and I were watching Bad Boys 2 and we couldn’t decide who to look at Will Smith or Gabby. Very sexy.

That concludes the list. Just a little insight into the women that peak my interest and make me feel like more of a full time lesbian than an occasional one.

Key West Happy

Long time since  my last post. Well so much has happened. I started my own business. It was so funny because I feel into it. I am a Fashion Consultant. I pull about 40 different looks for athletes wives, girlfriends older women and the fashion challenged etc. I like it. I am free to do what I want and I make good money because I used the contacts I already had.

Me and Brian are back together. I know. Me and Nick broke up because he neglected to tell me he was married,  but his wife told me. I actually went over to his place to grab some of my things and to my surprise there was a woman there. We began to talk and ended up spending the day together. He came home words were exchanged end of story.

I knew there was something wrong with him. I should have been mad and Reny for hooking me up with this asshole but I wasnt that into to him. After all that I called Brian. I didnt explain what transpired I just asked were he was and asked if I could come there. We have been together ever since. I feel happy. Like its the old days were we chilled and had a good time. He was in Miami and I was there but the end of the night. The next morning I suggested we shoot down to the Keys. Which we did and we have had fun times. We laid around all day and went out at night. We hit the bars and made a lot of new friends. I called around and found a rental beach house fully furnished in Islamoralda. We brought a printer and essentially moved all business operations here.

I got to Miami on Tuesday and we didnt have sex until Sunday. I didnt feel pressed. We are away from everything and everybody and it feels good. He was the guy from five years ago. The following Tuesday he asked me to marry him again. Although we never divorced for the first time I feel married. I got a new ring too! I am happy and he so badly wants to start trying for kids. I dont. Im not ready yet.We are having fun.

We are going back to Atlanta soon and I am kinda sad. I dont want to. Its not stay but he has some things to do. I like our fantasy life that is unbothered by alcohol, pills and excess. I am sure it will be fine. Im just worried. We’ll see. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Still My Wife……Que The Music

Its been quite awhile since I have wrote anything. I am sorry and I want to apologize to both my readers (if I have that many) Everything is super crazy right now. I dont know where to start but I guess the beginning would be nice.

Me and Nick have been hanging out a lot. We were watching a marathon of America’s Next Top Model  at his place when my phone rang. I picked it up without looking at the screen and to my surprise it was Brian. “Baby”  I was silent. Partly because I haven’t talked to him in a long while  but mainly because Nick was sitting next to me. ” Hey” I am never good in situations like this. I imagined I looked like a deer in headlights. “What are you doing?…I’m chilling watching a little TV, whats up?… ” Nothing much I’m going to be there Monday and I wanted to see you….Um mm…Ok…Why?…What you mean why, you are my wife that’s why….Only when its convenient.” With that comment he laughed. “Anyway is that cool?”…Yeah…We need to talk about some things….Alright. Baby girl..I love you..Okay.

That was the most inapporiate time to say the least to have a conversation like this. I put the phone down and I could feel Nick looking at me. My heart was beating fast.

He didn’t say much but he asked me if I was okay and I replied yes though it didn’t stop my mind from racing. What the fuck did Brian want? Knowing him absouletly nothing. Anyway Nick and I were planning to go have drinks and dinner with some of his friends at a spot called Oya. We watched a little more of ANTM and I went upstairs to get dressed. I didnt make it far because I put my bag down and sat on the bed. I couldnt help but feel something has been taking a lot out of me. I havent been working so i know I wasnt tired physically so I deduced it was mental exhaustion. Not knowing what your situation is can be tiring not to mention confusing.

Minutes later Nick came upstairs. “Baby, are okay?”….”Yeah, Im taking a minute.” I said with a smile.   He moved my bag to the side and sat next to me. He looked at me and grab my hand. “You seem a  little heavy…No I’m fine….You sure?….Yeah….We were still holding hands and I pulled him close. We started to kiss, I swear to god it was the most senusal kiss I have ever been a part of of. They didnt stop. It seem like everyone was better than before. He stopped. “Whats wrong?”…”Nothing Im really turned on thats all.”

I sat there a minute and said,  ”Do me a favor will you go grab the wine?… Sure.” In those five seconds he was gone I pulled off my jeans and shirt got myself together and waited. He didnt take long for him to get back and when he entered the room he stopped dead in his tracks. “Wow!” At that moment I didnt know why I was doing this. I guess it was fun. It was fun to be with somebody who appreicated me and made me feel sexy. He put the wine bottle and glasses down on the dresser and started to pour. He brought a glass over to me and stared at me, it was just to sexy for words.  I took a sip and sat on the bed. For the first I actually felt good about somebody. I took another sip and pulled myself to the head of the bed. He stood and looked for all of two seconds and pulled his shirt and tank off and unbuckled his pants. I have never seen that many abs on one stomach. It was like his body was shining. He looked freeking good!  Just then I said please let this sex be good. I cant handle any wackness.

He came over to me and kissed me so passionate. It was so crazy, when he touched me my skin was on fire. I was so turned on I was sure I was losing  an illegal amount of fluids down there. He was kissing me so hard and he was a pretty good size. He was teasing me with it and whispering sweet things to me. He was sweet  soft and gentle. It was COMPLETELY different from Brian. Brian is good but it was never about us feeling good, it was more about him.  I now say after careful evauluation it was the best sex I have ever had with a man. He held me and we laughed and drank wine. He looked at the time and asked me if I still wanted to go to Oya. I told him yes and we started to get dressesd. The hot water relaxed my muscles and made me feel even better.

I was so glad I brought something sexy to wear. Elizabeth and James cotten strapless dress in black with sky high Gucci heels. I curled my hair, did my makeup, put on a simple gold bracelet and earrings to complete my look. I felt cute which I havent felt in a very long time. He had on a plain white tshirt and jeans. He looked so good. We jumped in his truck and jammed to the sounds of the foreign exchange. We valeted his car and entered the restaurant. It was a bustling place decorated in white and red. It was very nice and trendy. He spotted his friends and we went over to the table. There were about eight people already sitting down. He greeted everyone and introduced me as his girlfriend. I smiled but I was alarmed. We didnt have a conversation about this being a relationship. I hate having the title. When did I become his girlfriend, when he stuck his penis in me?   I just smiled and I could feel everyone xraying me. I sat next to a beautiful asian girl named Leah.  She was really nice an struck up a conversation with me about my outfit in between that Nick was pulling me close and giving me sweet kisses. I dont think I ever been with someone who gave me PDA. Everyone at the table was gorgeous. There were a couple of ex footballers but mainly professionals and their girlfriends.

Nick kissed me and told me that the chic in a black dress he had went on a couple of dates with  and that it never went any further. She had a date with her anyway and I was so glad he told me. Most men wont even give you that much. The dinner was great we laughed, drank and overall had a good time. Leah and I exchanged numbers and we sat up a meeting to hang out. I had a lot of fun.

On the ride home Nick asked me “Did I introduce you incorrectly?” I think I was alarmed by the question and the proper english. “As your girlfriend?…Yeah…am I? I consider you to be. We have been kicking a lot and I dont have sex with random women so…yeah….Well thats your answer…Yeah thats mine, but whats yours?… I am your girlfriend…. He gave a big smile and a short while later we arrived at his place and it was soon thereafter round 2 started.

The next day we kicked it and laid around.Every we chance we got we were having sex. He didnt want me to but I went home later that night. Reny wasnt there so I took a cab to take me to Brians condo. I wanted to pick up the car. I went into the condo to look around nothing seemed out of place, I grabbed the keys and drove around for awhile. I needed to tell Nick I was married but i didnt know how. And now with this sex and girlfriend thing has complicated the situation.

After I got back to Reny’s, I got a text message from Leah and she wanted to have lunch the next day. Nick was texting me like crazy saying he missed me and couldnt wait to see me again. It made me smile but I felt unsettled because I was holding a secret. I called Brian and asked him what time he would be in DC and he said around three. He told me he would be at his sisters to pick me up and he would call me when he was on the way.

I didnt really sleep that night. I decided to go back to my old method of pills and alcohol for a good nights rest. Its dangerous but after several pills and a few shots of vodka I was out. I woke up with a headache of course and to my surprise it was already one.  I looked at my phone and saw that Brian and Nick had called. Brian left a message saying be ready by four and Nick called to say he missed me. I called Nick back and we talked for about thirty minutes. I laid around and before I knew it, it was three o clock. I needed to look extra good. I settled on a romper with heels. It was kinda dressy but I havent seen him a long time and I knew we were going out. Around 3:45 he called to say he was out front as I was taking a third mini bottle of vodka. He is a lot to handle. I walked down the steps where he was waiting with flowers. It was sweet and he had never given me flowers before.  He opened my door and off we went.

He complimented me on my outfit and we went to a cute quite restaurant for a early dinner. He saw a friend at the bar and we hung with him for awhile. We went back to Renys condo. were Reny and her man were in the kitchen. They greeted each other and we sat in the living room. I put my things down and took my shoes off and sat on the couch. “So whats up?’ You said you wanted to talk so talk…” He laughed. ”Look I sold the condo and I put the check in your account. He handed me a bank slip. It was a nice amount. I was geeked but I couldnt let him see it. “You could have told  me on the phone…I could have but I wanted to see you….Thats sweet… I didnt know what else to say. “I want us to get back together. “If yall could have saw my face. I was plain annoyed.

“Why?…Because I need you back..No you dont.. Yes  I do…No you dont. Yes I do…Did your girlfriend dump you?…What girlfriend?…Whatever. ” I got up and went to the kitchen to pour myself a drink and he followed me. …”Baby Im serious”…I didnt say a word. I just let the oil hit my system and relax me. “Are you listening?…No.”.He snatched the glass out my hand and put it down on the counter. I went into the living room were he followed me. I sat on the couch and shook my head. He would pull some shit like this just when I get with somebody new. “You cant just come here and tell me you want to be back together….Why? Because it dosent work like that. “I started to cry. Why i have no idea.

“Why not?… It just dosent..Are you seeing somebody?…” I didnt say anything. Reny and her man came downstairs. “Huh? Are you seeing somebody?” I was silent. “ARE YOU SEEING SOMEBODY! “He yelled, now was not the time for me to be Usher. (confessions) “You must be…you must be. Who is it? Who is it? WHO THE FUCK IS IT? “He was yelling at the top of my lungs. I was to scared to say anything. Last time he was mad like this he hit me. He came and sat next to me. I tried to get up but he grabbed my arm and pulled me down. Reny started to walk over and he told her to be cool. He was staring at me so hard and the tears just kept falling. He started to laugh. “This is really funny you got a man now…Brian you have always fucked around on me. You have always seen somebody else and..’” he cut me off. He went on to say more and this is how I remember it. “Who is it? Another football player? Let me guess basketball?….  Naw he in the league thats your forte right? Your type of nigga right….. I know he got money you dont fuck a nigga for free. ….Let me guess he took you shopping right? Thats all I had to do. It dont fucking matter you can see this nigga every Tuesday and Thursday you still my fucking wife.  Did I fuck around on you? Yeah i did. Did I treat you fucked up? Yeah I did. It dont matter because you and that nigga aint gonna work out anyway, so I dont give a fuck. Do what you wanna do,  you gonna be with me anyway.”

With that he got up said goodbye to his sister and left. I just sat there crying. Everything happened so quick and Reny’s mans comment was “damn” I went to the kitchen grabbed the vodka bottle and went to my room. This nigga is crazy and on the loose and I have no clue what to do.

Fuc*ing Tom Ford Cologne

Hmmm I can honestly say it feels so good not to be working. I have never been the type of chic to live off a man. But for ten years I was in the rat race. Going to meetings, luncheons, dinners not to mention working full time. I even did it while I was dancing. I networked my ass off. Going to marketing and PR events. I can truly say I am tired.

I am not eager to job back into the job market. So for now I am content teaching myself various Adobe programs. There is also the new guy, Nick. He is a cutie. Not knowing his exact measurements I would say he is between 6′4 to 6′6 250-270 pounds. Muscle. He is super sexy and he has been trying really hard. I needed to find out a little more information. I went right to the source. I asked Adrienne. “Tell me  about Nick,” I said as I sat down. She gave me a big smile. “Hmm you must be interested.”…” I am”…”So tell me…”..”Welllll…he used to play football with Rob. Then he… With that comment I was done. I am not in no way, shape or form going to date another athlete. I don’t know why I was shocked all the chics I know date athletes. It’s a circle I don’t want to be apart of. She continued talking but I was tuned out. I am so over it. For more than a year it has been about a former athlete and his retarded ass life. Oh and let us not forget the  “Why I Don’t Date Athlete’s” post.  So very needless to say I am over it. When she was finished talking I got up and went to my room.

Thus far he has been a good guy. He has brought me flowers for our first date, been a complete gentleman, sends me little sweet text messages and sent me flowers. The whole nine. He could just want to fuck. Who knows. I know I am not trying to find out either. I was thinking that I needed to cancel my impending date with him. With Reny (Adrienne) saying he was an athlete that squeezed out any interest I had in him. He had sent me a couple of text messages. Saying he was in the area and he wanted to know if he could stop by. I didn’t respond. There was nothing for me to say. I guess I was kinda indifferent to him. I have no attachment because we just met. However, he is fine as hell. I called him back. He said he was really glad I called and he would be over in shortly. I am determined to be me. I didn’t change clothes. I had on a t-shirt and comfy pants. Historically, I have changed for whomever I am with but not this time. I did however freshen up and put on my best no makeup-makeup.

He came arrived looking delicious and nothing short. He was all smiles and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and hug. We sat in the living room. “How are you?’…”I’m good, I happy to see you”….”That’s sweet”…. “You look cute.’…”Are you kidding me? I am in sweats and a shirt.”….”No one can be made up all the time right?” …”True.”…”You look beautiful.”

“So I was thinking maybe we go out and grab a bite to eat, if you wanted.” I was silent. I cant take these eyes piercing at me. “I know a place that has a cool vibe and good food. If your up for it.” It’s hard to tell a fine man no. I told him to give me a second to change. “Ask Adrienne if she wants to come.” I peeked in her room and she motioned for me to come in. “Nick and I are going out to eat so get dressed. ” …”What?” …”Get dressed we are going out.” ..”Okay…” …”Why do you want me to go?”…”Just cause…”…”What are you wearing?’ …”Jeans and t-shirt with my boots.’

We got dressed and were headed to the restaurant. It was a cool place called Town Hall in the G’town area. We had good food and conversation. Reny’s boyfriend joined us and we headed to a bar to have a few drinks. I actually had a lot of fun. She left with her man and Nick was going to drive me home.

We got back to her place  and I invited him in. Not for hanky panky but because he was generally a cool guy. I offered him a beer and I fixed myself a glass of wine.  I sat on the opposite coach and we began talking like old friends. I found out he is an ex pro football player who retired four years ago. In the interim he completed his studies for law and now works as a sports and entertainment lawyer. Impressive I must say. That explains a lot.  He was even cuter now that I know he is not a pro athlete. He began asking questions about me and I swiftly avoided them. I had no idea how I would explain my situation to him.

We were laughing and talking so much that I brought the beer and wine into the living room. He told me a lot about his job and that he has a lot of clients in New York and Nashville. He made me laugh a lot. I was getting tired so I suggested we sit on the couch. I didn’t know if it was the wine but he was look extra tasty. He was talking and before I knew I pulled his face towards mine and we began to kiss. It was soft, warm and inviting, those damn kisses. We kissed for what seemed like hours. We went upstairs to my room and laid ON TOP of the covers and kissed more. I felt like I was in high school. They were a mix of brown sugar and cinnamon. He had on Tom Ford cologne which didn’t help me out any. He didn’t touch in a lude way. He touched my arms and held my face and that’s it. I made a pledge to myself on the plane ride that I was not going to move to fast and sleep with ANYONE for the next couple months. Also, I pledged that I couldn’t get into a relationship because I am still married.

We went to sleep and I awakened to soft kisses on my forehead my arm being caressed and the lingering scent of Tom Ford. It felt so good and I know that it was long overdue. “You finally awake sleepy head?” …”Yeah..” I thought about and I started to pat myself to see if I still had clothes on. “You want to get breakfast?”…”No I am fine.” … “Are you okay?” …”Yes why did you ask that?” …”Just asking”…” We laid there in silence. “Your a good kisser.” ..”Your not shabby either. You felt good. Honestly been a minute since I have dated someone who isn’t crazy.” Dated? Dated? Did he say dated? Are we dating? When are you officially “dating?”

“Yeah…… I understand that.” My mind was spinning. I am hoping he meant like we have been out a couple of times. ” I have to go and change and get ready for work. I am going to meet with some clients in Nashville, but right after that I am going to Miami for our annual trip, I would love it you came with me.”…”Who is going?” Adrienne, Rob and myself and…you if you want to.” …”Why so we can fuck all weekend? So I can be your jumpoff? Thanks but no thanks.” …Baby its not like that, I just thought it may be cool if you come that’s all.”…”If I didn’t go who would you take?” …”No one. I haven’t brought anyone with me on the last couple of trips.” He looked like he was pleading his case however I wasn’t interested. ” Have a good day at work.”

With that I got up and he did too. I walked him downstairs and said my goodbyes. I wasn’t offended, I was annoyed. I cant go to Miami with a guy I hardly know. Yes, Adrienne was going but that’s not enough. I was annoyed but all I could think of was that fucking Tom Ford cologne.

***UPDATE***

I’m in Miami. Long story short, Adrienne talked me into going and I took a late night flight. They actually booked rooms at the Setai Hotel which is super nice. I just got here and I cant sleep so I am up writing another entry. I am nervous. Nick will be here tomorrow and he has already sent me several text messages telling me how he excited he was that I was here. We’re supposed to be going to the game (Hawks vs Heat) which should be fun. I will definitely keep you guys posted on how it goes.

UPDATE UPDATE

Well. We have been here close to a full day and I must say that I am having a good time. Everyone is really cool. They havent left me alone with Nick which is cool. He has been taking care of me though. We are hanging out on the beach playing around. I really like this guy. We did have a conversation about me coming here and he told me he understood why I was on the offense. Since then it has been smooth sailing.  We will see what happens.

Moving On? I guess…

Since my arrival in DC, I have been a house mouse. Me and Marvin(Gaye) have become the best of friends. In the time since my last post, I quit my job and essentially moved to DC. I haven’t explored the city yet.  To recap, I have left my husband and moved to DC and I am currently living with his sister. She is so sweet. She has been kicking it with me. Its been an extended slumber party.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch Brian has been off the map. He has been calling everyone we know looking for me. I finally broke down and told him I was alive and that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He wasn’t trying to hear it needless to say. He kept insisting that we needed to talk and I simply replied there was nothing to discuss.  To my surprise, his sister has been on my team. A lot.

She dates a guy that plays for the Redskins. He comes over often and we have been kicking it like the three musketeers. One night we were all sitting around and he asked me about my love life. At her urging, I told the whole story from the women, the pictures, abuse everything. He looked really shocked. Everyone I have told so far looks shocked.  He told me has a friend that would be perfect for me. I wasn’t in the mood to be hooked up with anyone. He was really insistent. He told me he was a good guy. I told him, I couldn’t. It’s not that I am waiting on my husband to get right, but I am just done with dating, it’s so lame.

He just said meeting him wouldn’t hurt. Me and Adrienne got cute and went over to her mans house. He had a huge house outside of DC. I saw this really attractive man sitting at the bar. Extremely attractive and tall. We were introduced and they went to a different section of the house leaving us alone. We began talking he and he turned out to be a really cool guy. He made me laugh a lot and for the first time in a long time I felt relaxed around a man. It seemed as if he had no expectations from me. Maybe it was the newness. We talked most of the night. I was getting really tired and he offered to take me back to Adrienne’s house. I felt comfortable enough to say yes.

On the ride we talked more and stopped to get breakfast.  He dropped me off and I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I walked in the house and sat on the sofa. It was good to feel wanted and just have a good conversation. I haven’t been able to have a good conversation with a member of the opposite sex for a long time. Mainly because they were attempted with Brian. Which as well all know didn’t go very far.

The next morning, I had a bunch of text messages. One from the new guy, Nick. It said that he had a really nice time and when I had a chance to call him. I stared at the message for several minutes. I didn’t know what to do. My heart wanted me to call right then but why I couldn’t go through this whole thing again. I know it had only been one “date”. But this is how it starts. The phone calls, texts. I wasn’t in the mood to like anyone. Especially someone new. I took a shower and got in the bed and went to sleep. I awakened to Adrienne busting in my room plopping down on the bed. “SOOOOO what happened?” …”Nothing happened we stopped and got something to eat and he dropped me off.”…”Do you like him?”…”Yeah he’s cool”…”Have you talked to him?”…”No he sent me a text message, but I didn’t respond.”…”Why not?”… I shook my head. “Girl please, Nick is a really cool guy, just talk to him” … “I can’t, I just…”  She just stared at me for a minute. “Let me ask you this. Do you want my brother back right now?”  I gave her a blank look. I shook my head no. “You shouldn’t. My brother is an asshole. He has ADD. ” Nick is fine as hell, rich and nice. And he didn’t send you a text message for nothing. He needs to see with someone else. He needs to see that you aren’t his only option.” I let out a deep sigh because I knew she was right. “So are you going to call him?”..”Yeah”… She gave me a look. I grabbed my phone and called him. He answered on the third ring. He sounded so sexy. His voice was deep. He was happy to hear from me. We talked and he invited me to dinner later that night. I told him something relaxed and casual. I wasn’t excited. I was nervous. I haven’t been on a date in a long time.

I put on a plaid top from Forever 21, The Unknown Factory Jeans, Gucci boots, jacket  hobo and went to Adrienne’s room. “Whoa don’t you look cute!” I sat on her bed. I was nervous. ” I am scared as hell” …”Don’t be, you will have fun.”.. It was then I was wondering why she was pushing me off on this guy. “Why are you pushing me off on this guy?” …”I’m not.” .. I gave her a look. “I’m not meaning to.” I gave her another look. ” I knew my brother was cheating on you and it’s fucked up to see you like this.”

This bitch is acting like I have been crying major tears or can’t eat or sleep. None of which has happened. I understood her point though. We talked a little more before Nick arrived. I opened the door to a man holding flowers. I haven’t received flowers in so long. It was really sweet. We walked out to the car and he was such the gentleman. Flowers and other chivalrous acts are so underestimated. I appreciate things like that. Kem was playing in the car and we were having great conversation. We had dinner and laughs at a place in the Georgetown area called J. Paul’s. It was casual and stress free. I have to be honest at that point I was feeling him. He made me feel very different. I don’t mean in a sexual way, I mean like he was really interested in me.

It’s hard because honestly my heart is hurting. I don’t think that he is a rebound guy but I want to be sure. We rode around the city and we before saying goodnight. A nice stress free date. I walked upstairs and changed into a loose t-shirt . I reached over at my and saw that Nick left me a very sweet text. I don’t know what his motive is but he is really nice.

I tossed and turned all night. Finally around three I called Brian. He was awake and sounded very happy to hear from me. I told him I needed to get a lot of my chest. I explained to him all he feelings I had bottled up. I told him I knew about the new chic he was banging out, how he doesn’t take my feelings into consideration, etc. I told him that we needed a break so he can decide what he wanted. If he wanted a wife after a break I would seriously consider coming back to him. I told him I loved him and that I needed a man who was going to love me everyday and treat me as such. Specifically, I told him his priorities were elsewhere and he was caught up in  his lifestyle, which wasn’t wife inclusive. He was very silent. I felt like I could hear his heart and it sounded very torn and kinda broken. He told me he understood completely and asked how long did I want to be apart. I told him we should pretty much be apart this year. He said that he loved me so much and will give me what I wanted. He would still support me and still considers me his wife.  I went on to tell him I was in DC with his sister and that I would be there for awhile. I asked him if it was cool if I could stay at the condo and drive the car. “Of course baby”…”Thanks.” ..”Baby I love you. I really mean it. Please believe me when I say that. ” …”I know you do, I think this will give us time to figure out what we want for certain and grow so if we decide to get back together we will be good for each other.”

With that statement we ended our conversation and for once I believed what he said.

So Gone like Monica said….

I left him. I packed my shit and left. I didn’t tell him anything. I didn’t leave a note or a voice mail. I was fed up. I cant believe I have been married two months and I was doing this.  How did I get to that point?

Basically, he had been putting me off. At that point he wasn’t spending anytime with me. He called me a thousand times a day but that wasn’t enough. I didn’t see him. He missed my birthday and Valentines Day. I was really simple for both occasions I told him I just wanted to spend time with me and that he didn’t have to get me any presents. His mere presence was enough. What did he do? Nothing. He didn’t even call. He came home with presents after he had missed both dates.

I accepted them, gave him a fake smile and put them in the closet. It was then I began to formulate my plan. I was already taking out small amounts of cash and stashing it away. He was basically giving me an allowance every week. A nice sum, I must say. I was having the feeling I needed to protect myself. I asked him to go to this awards dinner with me. He promised he would. I got all dressed up and no Brian. I called, texted, emailed and got no response. He stood me up. That was enough. I packed my things in a small carry on bag and sat down at the computer to book a flight.

I decided that warm weather was the way to go. I booked my flight to Miami after wrestling with the price of airfare. I headed to the airport. I stayed in Miami and decided to hit one of my favorite spots. DC! I talked to him every day because I didn’t want him to get suspicious plus I needed the money. I called his sister and told her I was in town. It was a definite risk calling her but I needed the attention. She picked me up and we kicked it. She made a comment that I am never anywhere without Brian so whats wrong. I told her I left him. I didn’t even get ten minutes into my story when she stopped me after I told her we got married. “WHAT! WHAT! WHAT! He didn’t tell me!

It was then I knew I didnt mean shit to him. I told her everything from the beginning. I told her of the control issues, him hitting me, the whole shabang. Her mouth was on the floor. She was either a good actress or really surprised. She told me I was going to stay with her for a minute and get away from him. He was an asshole. By this point Brian has gotten suspicious. I wasnt taking any of his phone calls. I was done. No one knew we were married. It was a joke to him and I guess I am too. Needless to say, since that point I called him and told him that I wanted a divorce. He told me he wanted to talk and I havent accepted that offer yet. I dont want to talk to him. I will accept sooner or later(more like later) but I like seeing him squirm. Am I hurt? Yeah. Two months and we are this point. Correction, I am at this point. I am the only one married with that being said I wont talk to him until fucking July.

I’m a new pair of J’s

How is it that I have only been married a month and I am thinking about leaving my husband? Crazy I know, but I have reasons. Primarily, I feel like an accessory. I feel like the new pair of J’s that just came out or a new article of clothing. Meaning, I think he likes saying he’s married but not actually.

He has been out of town every week since we got back from our shotgun wedding. Inauguration, Tampa, Hawaii. This weekend he will be in Phoenix and after that he will be back in DC.

I knew what I was getting myself into. He is a business man and he has to travel but I just really dont think half of this shit is business. His boys were up in arms when he told them we had married. He simply replied he is the same person and has not changed his behavior one bit.

I know for a fact he has a plaything on the side. She is really gorgeous. Exotic chic. Even I said “damn” when I saw her.  I care but not really. At any given moment I could take all of his money out of all of his account and fucking disappear.

He hasnt spent anytime with me but in his defense he calls every single day a million times a day. He cares and continues to profess his love but its not the same. Should I blow up the spot about the chic?

I can’t live this life again. He is an extremely wealthy man who wants to have his cake and eat it to. I have told him that he needs to spend time with me and he has promised me that he would in two weeks. How do you make a promise like that? Two fucking weeks. Like a paycheck.

Thats crazy. My life isnt to bad. I am studying for my GRE and LSAT, taking some post grad classes not to mention working part time. I have a full plate. Its hard coming home to an empty house every night. I am a loner but this shit is sad.

He married me for all the wrong reasons and only one right one. He loves me. As I am typing I have decided that I will mention that he cant live the life of a single man anymore. I should at least say something about it. He will probably get mad and will want to argue with me. Better yet, I will do my own thing. I just got an email from that fine thang I went to Houston with several months ago. He invited me out to drinks and I think I will have some. The season is over and we need to catch up. I basically stopped talking to him after that incident so I guess  I can give him a call.

I dont think its fair that my husband is out fucking some super hot chic and he didnt invite me or anything. Selfish ass. This whole marriage shit is crazy. I have been single the whole time I have been married. It sucks but I have a choice to make. Before I get to all that I need to have a drink with an old, sexy friend.