previously on ready to die…. just kidding
well when we last off, we were in a bit of a tizzy. sharita’s cousin lost the keys to her car and to her house in the club. all our stuff was at her house. so as of now, we had to come up with a plan. we were hungover and it was 9:00 am in the morning. i do need to remind you guys that sharita’s cousin broke her phone in a million little pieces. so she had no contacts.
i was hungry as hell. we decided that before we could do any planning, we had to eat. we were still in our club clothes and stilettos are not so fun to walk in when you’re hung over and it is one the hottest days of the summer. or at least it seems like it. we stumble out in search of food. after what seems like a forever we make it to the mcdonalds five miles away( it was really like a block,two at the most but it was hot as hell)
we get our food and start to plan. we had a number of problems on out hands. first, she didnt know how we were going to get to her house in bowie, maryland. second, she didnt know if she had an extra set of car keys. third, how were we going to get in her house? fourth, she broke her phone, so her list of contacts dosen’t exist.
damn. i blame patron to this very day but this is when you learn a lot about people. i asked her “is their any one who would have an extra set of keys to her house” she looks at me and sighs. this is gonna be good i start thinking. she gave me the “i dont want to tell you but we are in a fucked up situation so i have to tell you, so please dont think of me as a bad person look” i love these moments. she goes on to say that the only person that an extra set of keys to her house is the married doctor, who lives in baltimore. like i said you learn a lot. she pages him and he calls back saying that he can get there sometime today but dosent know when because he has the kids.
well that halfway solves the problem. but even when he does go there, how will we get there? enter the unattractive man. like i said sharita had met a lot of guys on her trips to dc before so she had contacts. but she didnt want to to call because she wasnt really planning on hanging out with them. well, clearly we didnt have a choice. she calls “robert” and he is more than happy to help. you always need an unattractive man in your life.
he meets us back at the hotel. we jump in and head off. the ride was interesting. from the way he talked, he thought he was this super attractive guy. he was like 36 years old, with a old lexus, still living at home with his parents. he had nothing to offer but a ride. after the long drive we get to her condo and walk right in. the doctor had already been there and left his set of house keys. next, we have to find the extra car keys. we found them and had to head off with the lame guy. he actually let me and sharita struggle with our bags and didnt even help. well i guess in his eyes he did. he opened the trunk and thats all. what a loser.
next, mission was to go back to club love and get her car. i prayed that it was still there. i wouldnt have been worried about it but there was a lot of tooties (prostitutes) out. where there are tooties, there is crime. her car was there thank god and we say our thanks and goodbyes to loser. next, we had to get her a new phone, where she ended up cussing out the reps at sprint.
all in all that was the best night ever. my theory is you know that you have had a good time if you have to put your life back together the next day.
